In and Out Of Dreaming

If you have to take risks to grow and you also have to ignore distractions to focus, how do you find the balance?

That was the question that I started searching an answer for this morning, all I found was a long weary day of working and feeling restless. This is thinking. This is what my brain does to me.

Sometimes I feel like something that’s between a person and a machine, switching my brain from creative mode (writing and designing) to programming (School and Projects) and never shutting down.The more focused I become on getting the most out of my days the more fears that are unearthed from within my habits.

Fears as real as white bones buried beneath soft ground, and as heavy as the words in a dying confession. Fears of failure, fears of success, fears of risks, and a fear of discomfort. It’s pretty amazing I don’t feel as burnt out and disheartened as I should.

dissonance

I’ve been burnt and cut, humiliated, laughed at, beat up and defeated. Yet I am still here and that’s because it’s what we finish that counts not how long it takes or how much we suffer. Every day I dig for the fears and insecurities of a soul with good intentions, a decent sense of humor, and an ass that won’t quit. Okay the last part may not be true.

But exercise has helped.

So has hiking and not drinking or staying up late. As January comes to an end I can honestly say I have made progress on my New Year’s resolution. Not everything is perfect, but everything is improving each day.

Perfection is just a fear of making mistakes, and a fear of making mistakes is what you used to scare me away from risks. Without risks there is no improvement. So if I am improving, I can safely assume I am taking risks.

I search everything for  inspiration like my life was a RPG video game. Sometimes I’m compelled by the beauty in the world and the people in it. Other times I stand in awe of its properties, humbled that we even survive in a universe where almost everything can kill us.

Every day I improve is a good day. Because when I do my days make me feel like I’m coming in and out of a dream each day. Maybe when you pursue your dreams, it replaces reality.

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